you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
