it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
