I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
