you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
