i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
