he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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