Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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