if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize