Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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