Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
