I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
