thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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