I'm jealous of your bromance
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
