Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
