someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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