Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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