I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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