So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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