soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
