toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
