Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
