If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
