moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
