She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
