I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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