I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
