why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need moral support for this bender
I wish there were birth control emojis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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