It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
