I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
