Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
