she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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