if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
