I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
