I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
