idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
