he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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