Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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