I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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