im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
