4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
