sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
