That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
