worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
