quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
