your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
