Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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