consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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