oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
