I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize