you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
