I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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