Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My breasts were aching with rage.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize