Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
