it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
