if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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