just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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