you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize