I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
