Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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