i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
