Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
