you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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