"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
