why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
