everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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