glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
