More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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