We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
